Slonik (slonik) wrote,

stolen from


Living Will of "SO-SO"

(Fill in the blanks) I____________________________________ |
being of
sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive
indefinitely by
artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up
and ask for a
cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't do so ever
again. When
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my
spouse, children
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes
and call it
a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature
enact a
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my
wish that
these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay
attention instead
to the health, education and future of the millions of
Americans who
aren't in a permanent coma and who nonetheless may be in
need of

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this
case. I
don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to
scrounge for
their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that
they play
politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die
in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-
mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't
know these
people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach
and/or crusade
on my behalf. They should mind their own damn business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case
into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the
grave and make
his or her existence a living hell.

Signed and dated and indeed being of sound mind I declare
the above to
be my last wishes.

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